So this is actually a real product that you can purchase for only $19.99 plus shipping and handling to protect your genital area during intercourse! I present to you, Scroguard! The first device that allows full sexual enjoyment without the pesky problem of genital to genital contact!
I am not sure what our world is coming to. I am pretty sure that a device such as this one is one of the signs of the apocalypse…
Who would need to use such a device? according to the official statement on the Scroguard website:
**Casual sex partners and committed couples who want peace of mind.
**Men with a high sex drive who enjoy sexual variety.
**Couples and individuals who love to swing.
In the company’s own words:
“Scroguard™ is impermeable to genital secretions and can be worn as a standalone product, or you can put it on underneath your favorite pair of boxers.
Football players wear protective pads so they can play harder. Skiers wear helmets so they can go faster. Soldiers wear armor so they can excel in battle. Men wear Scroguard™ so they can enjoy sex to the fullest, while reducing skin-to-skin contact.”
A bit of a warning though, Scroguard™ is not a medical device and has not been evaluated or approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for the mitigation, treatment, or prevention of disease.
Before sex, put on Scroguard by Fastening the two buttons securely into place.
Put on a condom, being sure to tuck the base of the condom inside Scroguar. Optional: Use an elastic ring for a tigher fit.
After sex, unfasten the two buttons of Scroguar and remove. Then pull the condom off.
Oh, and if you’re wondering what that odd whoopie cushion like noise when Scroguard is worn too tightly; well that’s normal.
“This noise that might occur when wearing this product is due to trapped air pockets between your skin and Scroguard™. Fasten other buttons to see what tightness level is best for you based on your body shape and size.”
Also, enjoy the official Scroguard infomercial…
I am not making this up… Check out the very real product here. This is truly an amazingly advanced technological age in which we live! I hope that this is simply a gag, because if it isn’t it speaks volumes for our society. We are about ten years from this:
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